This article is part of The Workbook Project’s Dream Building Series, a 7-day event where I asked blog contributors what dream building means to them. Whether it’s creating a daily life that you’re madly in love with, building a business or a little of both, this dream building theme aims to teach readers how to build a brand and life of their dreams.
Here’s the deal. I know you have the power within you to create life that you want for yourself, so I am all about teaching you simple, strategic ways to make it happen.
I am excited to participate in the Dream Building Series because it focuses on just that – how to design your life in a way that makes sense to you, and I want to share my #1 tip for creating the life of your wildest dreams. I am 100% certain that it will help you get where you want to be. This is a strategy that I personally turn to every day to stay in the right frame of mind as I create the life of my dreams, and I teach it to all my clients so that they can do the same.
It is a strategy that is so simple, yet so powerful. This one little technique takes practice and discipline, but over time will make a dramatic change in how you view the world and approach your life.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
You are probably thinking, well duh. But hear me out.
You see, even though it sounds so obvious, ditching the comparison is hard to do.
Take a moment and think about your typical day. Think about how many times throughout that day you think about what you look like, how you dress, what you have achieved, what you have or don’t have, where you want to go, what you don’t want in your life…all in comparison to other people?
We all do it. It helps us survive. It helps us achieve.
But when we do it too often, when we base most of our existence on what other people are doing, it leads to massive self-doubt, self-sabotage, anxiety, and depression. It causes us to feel stuck or stagnant, with no idea how to move forward in life. And once we get used to living in this realm of comparison, it can be a tough habit to break, because we don’t know any other way of being.
It’s not hard to see why we do this. For one thing, it is part of our biology – we are hard-wired to do it.
But we are also bombarded with imagery from advertising every day with products that will make us “better” and help us “improve” how we look, how we act, and how we live. Most of us now exist on social media, which is another false world full of unattainable imagery, a world in which people only post the best version of themselves. We have been trained to compare ourselves to others, to forever want more stuff and things, to forever consume and never feel like we have enough or are enough.
Take a moment and think about this. Think about all of the messaging you receive in a day. Think about all of the times you have compared yourself to others. And I ask you:
How does this help you?
Does comparing yourself to others make you feel better or worse?
Does it change the way you are living your life in a positive way or in a negative way?
How does this way of thinking serve you right now?
I truly believe constantly comparing yourself to others is one of the fastest ways to kill happiness and joy.
When you are lost in what you don’t have and how different you are from someone else, you don’t have time to focus on what you DO have. You don’t have time to focus on what you want and what you need to get there. You don’t think about your life journey and your own personal experience of the world.
So if you want to build the life of your dreams, the constant self-criticism and comparison to others has got to go. Time to kick that habit to the curb.
And I have the strategy to help you do it!
As Louise Hay says, “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
From now on, every time that you notice you are comparing yourself to another person, whether good or bad, I want you take note, take a breath, and then replace that thought with this mantra:
“These thoughts no longer serve me, I will create my own happiness in my own experience.”
Say that a few times to yourself, and then pick one thing that you love about yourself and your life – and repeat that aloud to yourself (for example: I am kicking ass in my business right now! I love my body just the way it is!)
I guarantee that once you start focusing more on your life, your journey, and your wants and needs, you will feel happier, more peaceful, and more at ease. Comparison to others will start to feel more and more unnecessary, and the life that you want to build for yourself will become your reality.
Now get out there and start creating the life of your dreams!
Jamie Molnar is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Life Coach, and Certified Yoga Teacher. She is the founder of Yourblissedoutlife.com, where she teaches women how to use strategic balance so that they can let go of stress and overwhelm and create happy, more productive, bliss-filled lives. She also hosts a free Facebook group for women to support each other and explore elements of blissful living, including stress management, overcoming anxiety, exercise, spirituality, nutrition, and healthy relationships. Join her online community of Blissful Warriors.